(This column originally appeared in The Guardian)
Excuse my ignorance, but I thought etiquette guides had gone the same way as spats and suspenders. An anachronistic relic of a bygone era. Well — and I apologize — I was wrong. Manners matter.
According to a survey from the job search site Monster, almost a third of workers think that their workplace isn’t a respectful environment where manners are valued. They think it’s bad manners when their work colleagues don’t clean up after themselves, gossip, use inappropriate language, don’t respond to messages or are consistently late to meetings. Some 70% of them said they would consider leaving their jobs if their employers didn’t have policies in place to enforce workplace etiquette.
As an employer, I get it. A respectful workplace environment is important. Rude workplace behaviors can be irritating and potentially offensive. We don’t want to lose good people because they don’t like their work environment. But there’s a line here between harassment — which is unacceptable — and just being a bit irritating.
Earlier this year, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) updated its rules regarding harassment in the workplace. The policy uses, as one example, how if an LGBTQ+ employee is being bullied by workmates — even at a non-work event — it creates a hostile work environment for that employee when they return to the office and have to face their colleagues.
It also points out situations in which employees are treated differently because they’re pregnant or practice their religion. The policy even goes so far as to warn employers that when employees are on an online meeting they can be subject to a hostile work environment if someone — even if they’re not an employee of the company — behaves disrespectfully.
The EEOC is putting the onus now on the employer to recognize these situations and deal with them. HR experts are recommending updating policies, getting more training and establishing reporting mechanisms so managers can be avoid — or at least be aware of — these problems and address them.
No one wants to feel uncomfortable at the office for these reasons. There should be specific policies — and penalties — to minimize these types of behaviors. But leaving an empty coffee cup in the conference room after a meeting? Dropping the F-bomb once in a while after a stressful client call? Sharing some office gossip? Who doesn’t do this? I’m guilty. So are you. Do we need to have a specific policy about showing up to meetings on time? And if people do this stuff, does this mean they get reported to HR? That all seems a little extreme to me.
The office dynamic is complicated these days. There are now four generations of workers sharing an office. All of these workers have different interpretations of “manners”. Some boomers I know still expect their co-workers to show up in coats and ties, not sporting tattoos and nose rings and smelling like a cannabis dispensary. Gen X-ers like me are often reprimanded for referring to people as “guys”. Some millennials think that attending a Zoom call with their dog barking in the background is perfectly normal. Younger people think their social justice activism spreads enlightenment throughout the office and is appreciated by their co-workers.
And yet we all have to work together. Four generations traveling to trade shows and events, sharing conference rooms and Ubers, meeting on Zoom and Teams and pretending that our manners are fine and it’s the other guy who has a problem. People can be messy. People can be profane. People can be disorganized. People are people.
Targeting someone because of their sexual orientation or religion is harassment and there should be zero tolerance for that. But “manners” is a matter of interpretation, so let’s leave these issues out of policymaking and let the performance review process resolve them
