(This column originally appeared in The Guardian)
In need of a laugh? Spend an hour or two on the subreddit LinkedInLunatics. Trust me.
There’s the financial expert who believes it necessary to share with his friends, clients and community that he enjoys watching porn (in moderation, mind you!). There’s the usual crowd of pundits who use cultural events like the Olympics competitions to teach us life lessons. Or the matchmaking company that thinks LinkedIn is Hinge.
Who wouldn’t manage to stifle a sneery laugh at the creative director at a social media firm who felt compelled to share they almost — almost, mind you! — missed their flight but managed to share this oh so important life lesson: “Take risks. Saying ‘we can make it’ got us on the flight!” This should be a bumper sticker! Or the “creative director” who learned seven important lessons after his kid swung a bag of mandarins at his nuts (not to overshare was not one of them). Or the non-profit leadership consultant who’s so happy because her ass apparently looks great in her son’s jeans. Erm, thanks? But why?
All of these are just from the past week. It’s too much in so many ways. I only have so much time on my hands, people! Also, I am on this site to do work.
There’s no question that LinkedIn is the place to be for business types, especially those selling business-to-business like I do. I rely heavily on the platform for engagement, leads and information. But it’s cringe. Every post is fantastic. Everyone is fabulous. People are “visionary leaders” and “strategic innovators” or “growth hackers”. They’re all doing GREAT at their jobs (even if a growing number of them are “open to work”). They’re “building value” and “making the world a better place”. Professionals both love and hate LinkedIn.
“It’s a cesspool,” Stephen Council at SFGate wrote recently. And yet he has to admit: “Even as it annoys its users, and even within an online culture ready to roast the platform at any turn, it works. Two tech workers told SFGATE that they feel like job postings seem more up-to-date on LinkedIn than on rival Indeed. And more tech-specific job boards, like those run by salary aggregator Levels.fyi and startup incubator Y Combinator, don’t have anything close to LinkedIn’s scale.”
Personally, I can’t stand to be on it, but I feel that it’s necessary to check in once or twice a day. Why? I use it to post my columns and react to people’s reactions. I peruse for potential leads. I don’t want to be rude by not replying to people’s messages. I get romanced by the opportunity to “connect” with someone seemingly out of the reach. And I sometimes actually enjoy giving a like or a congrats to people who have reached a milestone, like a work anniversary or birthday.
But LinkedIn needs an overhaul. So what to do? As an avid user, I’ve got two major, disruptive, turn-itself-upside-down suggestions.
1. Be more Reddit, less Facebook
Everyone on LinkedIn should be required to belong to at least one LinkedIn group. They can make general posts elsewhere, but these posts would be limited to 140 characters (I miss that, just like I miss Twitter) with AI algorithms enforcing the rule and disallowing the posting of images that contain more prolific messages.
If people want to share that they look great in their kids’ clothing or the lessons they learned when the barista forgot to put beetlejuice in their coffee, they can post their feelings to a group, where (hopefully) a moderator who is not insane and its members who have little patience for nonsense can be their judge and jury. If the group rules aren’t followed, you’re out. If you can’t find a group that will put up with your bullshit then you’re done with LinkedIn.
2. Change the way the platform is monetized
LinkedIn should increase its monthly fees to separate its serious members from those who want to share stories about the enlightenment they gained from testicular pain.
Not only that, but people should be automatically charged $0.50 every time their connection request is accepted. That will stop half the population of Pakistan from inviting me to allow them to help me increase my followers and will also lower the endless stream of coaches, motivators, leadership experts and consultants who promise to help me “double my business” or want to “explore ways to work together”.
Adding a “hate” button next to the “like” button could also create some harsh, yet soul-searching feedback for those members that don’t really quite realize just how annoying they are. But in the end these are mostly nice people who think they’re saving the planet with their priceless advice, praise and updates so maybe that’s going too far. Maybe.
LinkedIn is hurtling towards a tipping point. Some day in the not-too-distant future it’s going to just get too annoying for too many professional people, and we’re going to migrate to another platform that’s less so. For many, that tipping point has already arrived. It has for me.
